O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
