I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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