3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
