Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
