tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The air was thick with penises
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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