can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
