I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize