Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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