I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wear drunk well.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
