Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
