i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just had sex on a roof
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
