well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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