But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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