Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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