so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if only i could text you this smell
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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