if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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