sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
