he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
