If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
