id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
