it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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