So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
