Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
