She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
