I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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