at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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