five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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