I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
