I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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