Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
