not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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