she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
