All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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