Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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