He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
