just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
