dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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