All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
