are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
