suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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