hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
