Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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