dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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