In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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