I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Mom said you looked used
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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