He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
