theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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