Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
