im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize