All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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