The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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