If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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