you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
