I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
