kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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