Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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