Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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