i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
