dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
