Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
