Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
