Define "chronic" masturbator.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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