its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
