I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
