The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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