I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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