He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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