there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
