There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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