We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Terrible idea I love it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
