i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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