so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
