even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
